


Lose Yourself

by YaGirlClutchie



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 03:44:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14560143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaGirlClutchie/pseuds/YaGirlClutchie
Summary: Ohm's first time hanging out with the guys doesn't go well. Luke snaps him out of it.





	Lose Yourself

Ryan looked at the calendar and sighed. He was due to meet and hang out with his friends next week for the first time in person during a weekend at Tyler’s house. While he was excited to see them, he knew he wouldn’t measure up to their expectations or be able to relate to them. The guys were all funny and great with people and loved to drink. Ryan was none of those things. He felt awkward and hated to drink. He knew that getting together with them would be a big disappointment.

As he prepared for his flight, recording and editing videos while agonizing on what to pack, he felt the burden getting heavier and heavier. He decided he needed to prepare. More hazing, more asshole snipes, and more talking to players outside of the few he usually played with. He thought about drinking more, but couldn’t handle how the alcohol felt in his brain.

Luke noticed Ryan’s changes but brushed them off as accidents or a different mood. Or at least he did until Ryan ditched him before a recording session to play Fortnite with Tyler, Smii7y, and Kryoz. Luke didn’t care that Ryan was playing with the others, but brushing people off wasn’t Ryan.

A few days later, he tried pulling Ryan back into one of his favorite games: R6. But Ryan already had plans to play Cards Against Humanity with some of the other guys and invited Luke to join them. The session was weird; Ryan was not himself. His jokes were meaner, and he poked fun at others more than usual. Luke decided to leave the session early, hating how his friend was changing.

As he started to pack to go to Tyler’s for the weekend, Ryan’s changes kept nagging at his thoughts. “I’ll talk to him this weekend,” he said out loud. “Maybe he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing.”

Due to a delayed flight, Luke arrived last at the party. Each of his friends attacked him with a hug or a high five, but he didn’t see Ryan.

“Hey Tyler, where’s Ohm?”

“He just went to the bathroom but should be back soon,” Tyler said. “He’ll need another drink before long!”

Luke felt sick at Tyler’s words; he knew that Ryan didn’t like to drink. As he took a swig of the beer he was handed and began to talk to Evan, he heard a loud “TOONZY!!!” as Ryan enveloped him in a hug from behind. Having met Ryan before, Luke didn’t have the same surprise at Ryan’s looks as the other guys must have, but he still felt shocked.

Ryan wasn’t drunk, but he was definitely tipsy. His eyes were wide, and his cheeks held a blush, not to mention the beer he had in his hand.

“Hey, Ryan. You ok there?” Ryan giggled in response.

“I’m GREAT. This has been awesome. I’m gonna go play a drinking game with Panda and Brian. You wanna come?”

“I’ll be there in a little bit ok? Just want to get something to eat first; you probably should too. Looks like you’ve had a lot to drink…”

Ryan rolled his eyes at Luke’s words. “I’m finnnneee Mom. Don’t worry.” Luke watched Ryan’s retreating back as he skipped over to Panda and Brian, who were pouring tequila into glasses. He turned to face Evan, who was observing the group.

“I don’t think this is gonna go well,” he muttered, earning a nod and a grimace from Evan.

As the night went on, Luke got more scared for Ryan. His friend was trying every type of alcohol that Panda and Brian were pushing at him, and he could tell that Ryan was feeling uncomfortable but didn’t want to say no. As he watched the scene unfold, he knew he would have to do something. The next time Ryan walked into the kitchen, Luke grabbed him by the arm and pulled him outside. Ryan leaned up against the side of the house, betraying how tipsy he was feeling. Luke took a deep breath, trying to determine the best words to confront his friend with.

“Ryan listen to me. You’re losing yourself. You’re trying so hard to fit in with these guys that you aren’t being you. I don’t respect you as much because you’re trying to be someone you aren’t. Stop it!!”

And with that, Ryan slid down the wall to sit on the floor and wrapped his arms around his legs. Luke heard muffled sobs from his friend as he crouched down next to him.

“Ryan I’m sorry. That was too harsh. I just don’t want to see you lose yourself. I’m worried about you.”

“No… you’re right. Everything you said was right,” Ryan sobbed out. “I just want to fit in. I’m tired of being alone. This group is literally the only people to hang out with me since I graduated high school. And I just… I don’t know how to be a guy they like any other way. I have to be mean and drink and be like them.”

Luke sat down next to Ryan and placed a hand around him, pulling the sobbing man closer.

“Listen Ry. I’ve been there, and I’ve gone through what you are trying to do right now. I’ve tried to change myself to make people like me,” He took a deep breath. “Because of that, I know telling you that you don’t have to change yourself to make people like you won’t work. So here’s what I can tell you: I like you for who you are right now. I like playing games with you and joking about kissing your ass and having you randomly show up at my house. You don’t have to change for me.”

He saw Ryan take a deep breath and then turn his head to look at Luke. His eyes were rimmed with red, from tears or alcohol Luke wasn’t sure. Luke smiled at him before he continued.

“But I’ll tell you this. If you decided to drink, drink. If you want to haze someone when you’re joking, do it. I’ll still like you if you change, as long as you aren’t doing it for someone else. Then I’ll be pissed.”

Ryan let out a choked laugh at Luke’s threat. “I’m so sorry Toonzy. I just wanted to fit in so bad I lost myself. Thank you for bringing me back.”

“It’s ok,” Luke replied. “And I don’t think you need to worry. You’re the same person behind the camera as you are in front of it. That’s the you the guys have had as a friend all these years. Go back inside and be that guy. I can guarantee they will still like you.” 

Luke stood up and brushed off his pants before giving Ryan a hand up, steadying his friend as he swayed. “And maybe we get you some water and lay off the alcohol tonight. Sound good?”

“Perfect,” Ryan replied. The two men walked inside together and grabbed some water. They spent the rest of the night laughing at drunk Brian trying to make out with a sober Brock and Tyler and Mini trying to kill each other after a game of MarioKart. Ryan got pulled into playing Wii Sports against Evan and actually beat the Canadian at golf.

“Dude, you’re too much fun. You have to hang out with us more!” Tyler said as he clapped Ryan on the back when they all headed to bed.

“You serious?” Ryan asked, still unsure that the guys actually like him.

“Fuckkkkk yes,” Panda slurred. “Pl-please stayyyyyy.”

And maybe Ryan went to bed with a smile on his face, curled up on a couch surrounded for the first time in a while by friends.


End file.
